The Problem With Love

Recently I have been experiencing an issue with everything that is going on. I have something in my life that is making it really hard for me to get by, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I certainly can’t be left alone for long periods of time.

I thought I knew what love was and what it felt like. I learned that I was wrong, I thought that I loved someone once, it turned out that what I loved was the idea of her, not so much her. What it was that I thought she was rather than what she actually was, so as time passed things started to change within me and I forever lost that “lovin feelin”. So when it’s gone what do you have left? Well there isn’t much that is left other than a few years of wasted time and a spot in the bed that is exceptionally strange to not have a body in.

I don’t know if it is the comfort of having someone there or not, I don’t know why I feel this way. I know that when she was here all I wanted her to do was leave. Now that she is gone all I want is for her to come back.  Maybe I am confused as to what I want. I know that I am tired, I have grown wery of the day to day life of living married. I once thought that this was the way that things naturally progressed, now I have grown into a cynic and don’t quite beleive that anymore.

No one needs any one person to be complete and the sooner that we realize these things the better we will all be in all our relationships. As I sit back with my nice Olde English 800 in hand I look back at all the times that we had. I have a tough time thinking back to any good times we had within the last year which may be in part why we are no longer together. Life deals us all these cards and I am happy to say that she was once in my life. Maybe one day she can be in my life again. As of now I really need this time to see who I am.

I as a person am completely lost in this world and don’t really have a direction. Maybe I need to work on that, perhaps it is just what I need to do with myself to make myself whole. I know that I don’t really enjoy being alone all the time and I don’t really like the fact that I have no one to talk to. I guess that’s the reason for having a blog, don’t you?

Posting everything that is on my mind to the web probably has saved me more times that anyone can even think of. I know that it’s good for me to be able to express my self and the way that things are in my life. Even if no one around me really cares. Over the last year I feel as if I have lost track of everyone that I care about and there isn’t anything that I can do about it. I have met some new people and I have done some interesting things. In this time I have not met anyone that I feel I can really trust or look to as a real and true friend. Even now my most awesome cousin can’t put up with me for a few weeks as I look for a new place. It’s saddening to me that people don’t think that they can trust me. I have never done anything in my life to make anyone think that I can’t be trusted. Well this is enough for now, I will go back to my 40oz and try to make myself cheer up.

To all, love just plain sucks, try to avoid it at all costs.