How To Be A Total Bitch (part 1)

**Good thing for Google indexing this site before this got deleted**

I was able to recover this from a cache of this page. So here is the original.

In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have posted anything and left well enough alone.

How To Be A Total Bitch (part 1)

All the women in my life recently all seem to have sand in their vagina’s, either that or they have came straight out of “The Vagina Monologues” or something.

This list is merely a guide to being a complete pain in the ass to everyone around you.

In general

• Never answer a question directly
• Think that everything means something else
• Get worked up over little things
• Continue to talk when the conversation has ended
• Play the blame game
• Ask “do I look fat?”

In the car

• Refuse to use signals
• Play with the radio and take your eyes off the road
• Talk about how you want to jerk the wheel into an embankment
• Wait till the gas light comes on then come up with an excuse for someone else to drive
• Take all turns wide and in the other lane
• Speed by every tractor trailer that you see then cut them off
• Take the LONG WAY to get down to the next street
• Stop paying attention at all traffic control devices

Around the house

• Leave dirty laundry on the floor in front of the bathroom
• Leave dirty socks by the couch or on the heater so the whole room can smell like feet
• Put wet towels on the bed and leave them there to get musty and make the bed smell like ass
• Say that you never leave anything out but leave shit out all the time
• Complain that the house is a mess
• Leave hair in the sink

Out in public

• Never make up your mind
• Ask for everything at a diner be special for you
• Act like it’s the first time you ever left the house
• Make everyone around you part of the conversation
• Make a scene

Now women, just because you have a vagina doesn’t automatically mean that you can act like a total bitch. Go ahead and wipe the sand out, it wont hurt and the people that have to deal with you all will be much happier people.

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